Lazzaro: Hey, what’s that over there?
Johann: What? Oh, that? I dunno. Oh, I think it’s a planet!
Lazzaro: Oh, really? Yeah! That’s cool! Let’s go check it out!
Johann: All right, man! Hey! Should we get the blasters?
Lazzaro: Yeah, get you blasters, shoot to kill!
[Laughter]
Johann: Blasters shoot to kill!
—
Lazzaro: Hey, I can’t find my blaster.
Johann: Uhmm…it’s… Lift up the seat, it’s under the seat.
Lazzaro: Under the seat? When did we put them there? I didn’t put my blaster there.

-instrumental-

Johann: You know, I’m really starting to like living here.
Lazaro: Yeah, I love it here! This place is great! Let’s live here for like eighteen millennia!
Johann: Sure, we’ve got tons of water, tons of moss. Let’s have a party here!
Lazaro: Yeah! I’m gonna go get the king!
[Laughter]

-instrumental-

Yeah, king of the tardigrades.
Oh right, humans and your primitive low-frequency hearing. Let me adjust my pitch…

Greetings Earthlings, I’m the king
of the Tardigrades,
For our next escapade, we’re going renegade!
If you’re not afraid you must need a hearing aid,
We withstand one hundred and fifty degrees centigrade,
call the fire brigade,
We’re here to invade, no way to barricade,
Get yourself some medicaid,
You’re about to be unmade,
Take some deadly night shade,
Tiny Invaders, a bio-hand-grenade,
Watch out!
We’re the Tardigrades!

One-hundred fifty degrees, we don’t sweat it.
Minus 2-7-2, yeah? I’ll bring a sweater.
We’re the Tardigrades,
Don’t forget it. Yeah!

You call us ‘Water Bears’?
You monkeys without hair,
Big lumbering brutes
Caught in our snare!
We’re microscopic, baby!
Standing at five-hundred micrometers!
In the void of space,
Don’t need no barometer.

Six-thousand atmospheres of pressure
…Never been fresher.

illin’ wit’ sea kraken in the Mariana Trench
Don’t need no space ship,
adjustable wrench.
Chillin’ wit’ the Yeti
On the Himalaya
Repair our own DNA,
Don’t hate the playa.

Go for decades without water,
Like Lazarus, back to life.
A century later, we’re smarter,
Too small to cut with a knife!

Extreme dehydration?
Extreme chemicals?
Extreme radiation?
Baby, we’re extremophiles!

Yeah, tardigrades!
Yeah, tardigrades!

New York Times said, “The Tardigrade: Practically Invisible, Indestructible ‘Water Bears’”

Recognize your tiny invaders.